Adikku Kembali

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Sekian, terima kasih. ^^

Hikhik

Love and Care

Recently these few questions popped out in my mind as a rendition of my friend situation. So following are the questions and also my answer.

QUESTION: Do you love him?
ANSWER: Yes and No.

QUESTION: Meaning?
ANSWER: I sincerely love him but I don't love him wholly.

QUESTION: Why?
ANSWER: It feels sick and annoying to love someone to the moon and back as he's your everything but knowing that one fine day, you end up being dumped by him. Isn't that the worst torture and suffer to realize that he won't be yours forever?! So what is the point of loving him entirely as you well verse, you gonna be utterly hurt in the end?

QUESTION: Do you care about him?
ANSWER: Absolutely!!

QUESTION: Why?
ANSWER: Since he's the only person I have then I shall cherish him. Despite of whatever or wherever the future leads us to, I will give my very best. At least it's  as an momento of what we have gone through whilst we were together. So that I won't regret for not doing something I should.

I learnt my lesson well from him-you-know-who. Yeah, being hurt from love is something that never cure and last forever. You meet someone new but still, the pain and the excitement from the past is haunting you. Sometimes you scared to take a next step and sometimes, you just recklessly step without think rationally. So which one I'm in? Both, I guess. Oh, no matter how hurt it is, still we seek for a person to love. Though it keep slipped from my tongue how much I hate love but deep down inside, I'm still longing for someone to be next to me and hug me tenderly. Between love and care.... which is important? Which is the priority? *sigh*

Permudahkan dan Ringankan~

Lamanya tak update cerita. Rasanya dalam dua bulan kebelakangan ni macam2 yang dah terjadi. Banyak cerita nak dikongsi (walaupun takde siapa nak baca pun) tapi rasa malas. Malas sebab still dalam recovery process lepas operation around mid of May. Malas sebab sibuk dan penat since bertukar kerja di tempat baru.

Sejak dua menjak bertukar kerja ni, aku jadi penat luar biasa. Tak banyak leisure time. Walaupun kalau ikut workload tak banyak tapi since aku still dalam stage nak adapt dengan working environment dan organization culture, so banyak la memerah keringat dan otak. Susah bila duduk di dalam kelompok pandai. Ni yang buat aku rasa tertekan dan perlukan driven force untuk sambung PhD. Ada jugak google IPT sana sini. Masih di dalam dilema samada nak sambung di KL or Penang. Susah sangat pergi Sabah Sarawak je la. Hahahahah

Lately aku bertambah penat. Penat sebab memikirkan Hubby yang dia sebenarnya lagi penat dari aku. Penat fizikal dan mental. Aku jatuh kasihan pada Hubby. Hidup dia memang terumbang ambing sekarang. Terkejar2 ke sini sana. Alkisahnya, bapa mentuaku didapati menghidap barah hati. Stage 3. Hubby menangis masa call aku. Aku pun tak dapat nak tahan airmata mendengar khabar sedih tu. Macamana luluhnya hatiku mendengar, aku tau luluh lagi hatinya. Ibu sampai sekarang masih sukar nak terima. Aku hanya mampu berdoa semoga diringankan sakit Abah. Tengok gambar terbaru Abah yang dah susut buat aku hiba. Teringat ragam bapa mentuaku yang suka bercakap, suka menasihat dan suka ketawa. Aku senang dengan bapa mentuaku itu. Dalam tegasnya, terserlah sifat penyayangnya.

Dalam saat saat sebegini, Hubby selaku anak lelaki tunggal memang diperlukan amat2. Kadang kala dia mengadu penat. Terkejar2 dari rumah ke Putrajaya dan ke Prince Court dan kemudian sakit2 badan sebab bermalam di hospital. Aku cuba perbuat sehabis mampu untuk meringankan bebanan Hubby. Cuba untuk menceriakan hatinya yang walang. Tatkala dia memerlukan telinga untuk mendengar rintihannya, aku berikan sepenuh perhatian. Tatkala dia lelah dan rebah, aku bisikkan kata2 semangat semoga dia terus tabah. Berjauhan daripadanya membuatkan aku tak mampu memeluknya untuk menenangkannya. Anak lelaki tak boleh menangis. Kena kuat. Depan Abah dan Ibu. Itu pesananku kepadanya. Tapi dia tetap manusia biasa. Kekadang emosinya rapuh. Hubby, ku tetap di sisimu walau apa pun yang terjadi. Kita ada satu sama lain.

Doaku, semoga ALLAH meringankan penderitaan Abah dan permudahkan semua urusan Hubby sekeluarga. InsyaALLAH esok Abah akan menjalani minor operation. Semoga segalanya berjalan lancar. Abah, kami semua sayang Abah. Bertahan ye Abah.